The very best Florida Man and Woman mugshots of all time
Florida’s colorful internet reputation i.e. “Florida Man” phenomena has created quite the stir since its popularization in 2013. With Walmart shenanigans and general havoc abound, The Sunshine State really has us scratching our heads in bewilderment.
Florida men and women have also graced us with downright baffling and “is this state even real?” vibes with some of the memes that have come out of the mythical culture.
So in light of needing a good laugh (or maybe cry?), we’ve dug a little deeper and found 10 of the most bizarre Florida Man and Florida Woman mugshots of all time. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
1. Disguised in a bull costume, a Florida man attempts to burn down ex’s home with spaghetti sauce
We don’t know which is worse—a man dressed as a furry thinking the best course of action in committing arson is to leave a pot of Ragu on the burner in the middle of the night, or the victim’s reaction to the event being, “he was trying to make it look like I left the stove on, but who gets up at 2 a.m. and fixes sketti?”.
2. A Florida woman is charged with aggravated assault after “farting loudly” in a Dollar General and then pulling a knife on a man who complained
An extremely on-brand Floridian, this Florida woman started an all-out showdown over a man’s intolerance over her sonically jarring fart. Regardless, the rotten ghosts of the woman’s last few meals created quite the unsavory outcome for everybody involved. What happens in Florida stays in Florida, kids.
3. Florida man uses a template he found on Pinterest to print counterfeit money at Pasco library
This man’s hubris is kind of impressive. Not only did he print the money in a publicly used and funded space, but he also thought resume paper and laserjet ink would fool absolutely anyone.
Apparently, the man also admitted to deputies that he had a buyer willing to purchase $500 worth of counterfeit money in exchange for $250 worth of real money. What.
4. Florida woman pulls building’s fire alarm because her phone battery died
This Florida woman, who was actually from South Carolina, apparently panicked after being dropped off by her friends and realizing that her phone had died. Because she needed to get home, she decided that the best course of action would be to knock on a random house’s door to help her call the police (???).
The owner of the house did indeed call the police, but only to report the woman as a suspicious person. She later stated in the affidavit that her home was located in Broward County, Florida. However, she didn’t know the exact address.
She also didn’t know what her address in South Carolina was, despite having her driver’s license issued in the state.
5. Florida men allegedly kill pet turkey for Thanksgiving dinner
Poor Tom’s life ended in tragedy in the Florida Panhandle after two local teens killed the turkey with a bow and arrow before the Thanksgiving holidays. The two were later charged with burglary, trespassing, larceny, and animal cruelty.
The victims of the hate crime were allegedly very upset over the death of their beloved pet.
6. Florida man fights with officers and then poops his pants
This man wouldn’t go down without a fight—or without pooping his pants.
In an attempt to flee after smashing his van into another vehicle, this Florida man threw a few punches and then proceeded to make a trip down to Brown Town.
7. Florida man uses his own mugshot as his Facebook profile picture
Facebook is a great way to connect with friends, loved ones, and in this case—when you’re wanted by the police for a number of outstanding warrants. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was unparalleled stupidity, but either way the man objectively did it to himself.
8. Florida man breaks into a St. Petersburg home, proceeds to cook and eat pizza while inside
To top it off, this Florida man also stole a whopping $35 in cash.
9. Florida woman is arrested for crashing her car while shaving her genitals
She was neither texting nor talking on her cellphone. That’s right, folks, this Florida woman crashed her car while grooming her nether regions. Oh, and her ex-husband allegedly held the wheel while she shaved. That’s some razor sharp focus.
10. Florida woman punches victim who got her wet at the beach
We’re not sure if pushing the victim into a shower stall was supposed to be an act of irony or not, but needless to say, this Florida woman can and will pull a knife on you.