Cinema’s worst sex scenes: All the times film proved Germaine Greer wrong
Germaine Greer was in the press last year saying she thinks “most rapes are just bad sex.” While this is clearly the kind of nonsense horseshit that is likely to send her “feminist” stance into question, here are examples of “bad sex” from feature films that are clearly not in the same category as rape.
Ridley Scott (Gladiator) has never been known for his sex scenes and the image of Cameron Diaz (There’s Something About Mary) getting onto the top of Javier Bardem’s (mother!) car in The Counsellor is probably why. Diaz rubs herself on the windscreen with a look in her eye like she’s expecting someone to say, “Actually, let’s not do this because it’s stupid.”
Like bad sex itself, the batsh** bone sesh thankfully only lasts about two minutes. If that.
Blue is the Warmest Color
Some folk in the LGBTQI community gave a collective eye roll at what they perceived to be a horny male fantasy of hot sapphic sex rather than a legit lesbian lovemaking sesh. Adding to that, both the cast and crew complained about how the scene came about to make this some awkward, bad sex.
You know you’ve fucked up when Léa Seydoux (The Grand Budapest Hotel) is calling the filming experience ten days’ worth of “horrible”. Hardly a rave review, is it?
Sure we’ve all daydreamed about seeing Tommy Wiseau’s (Best Friends) bobbing man ass, but to see it in the actual flesh is quite disturbing. The whole scene feels like it was directed by an alien trying to convince a group of teenage boys that he knows what human reproduction looks like.
If you don’t know what human reproduction looks like, don’t watch The Room to learn unless you want to wind up fucking someone in the armpit and thinking you’ve nailed it.
The Man Who Fell to Earth
Similarly to Tommy Wiseau’s bobbing man ass, who here amongst us can say that they’ve never dreamed of seeing a bollock naked Rip Torn fornicating with a young woman? But like Wiseau’s ass, once you’ve seen it, you’ll really wish you hadn’t. The whole sex scene is a hot mess.
All of Woody Allen’s films tend to have a point where someone says, “We can’t or shouldn’t be doing this.”
But the scene in Match Point when Scarlett Johansson (Lost in Translation) and Jonathan Rhys Meyers (The Tudors) argue in a wheat field in the pouring rain before falling into said wheat field and embracing is apparently meant to have us believe that this is two actual grownups having grownup sex. And not just characters from the mind of a very strange individual who wants to show us that he definitely knows what grownup normal sex looks like.
Germaine Greer may have been right about quite a few things in her life, but she isn’t right about this – as were none of the above mentioned directors when they decided to include these terribly bad sex scenes in their movies.