Vomit, sex, and punches: The craziest stories from the New York metro
Crazy stories from the New York subway abound. Everyone knows you pretty much have to be game for anything when entering the New York underground. Want to watch a guy hammer nails into his own nostrils? Visit the New York subway. Want to see a guy nonchalantly strip to his britches? Go to the New York subway.
Wondering why it smells like a fishing dock on your commute to work? There’s probably a dead shark chillin’ on the floor because you’re on the New York subway. The New York subway is nuts, it’s true – but what about the above ground trains that serve the greater metropolitan area.
There are some pretty interesting things happening on vehicles like the Metro-North too. Let’s not give their strictly underground brethren all the credit. Veteran conductors like Michael Shaw will tell you. And the beauty of it is it’s typically a lot more personal of an experience when something crazy goes down.
Shaw told the New York Post, “There’s a special bond among commuters and conductors on Metro-North. It’s not like the subway, where you’re traveling with a million different people every day. Instead, you can ride the same train for five years, sit next to the same person every day and banter with the regular employees. After a while, you become friends.”
As you can tell when kooky things start happening on the Metro-North you get to exchange raised eyebrows with your well-known seatmates. In some cases though, you’ll punch them. Read on to see what we mean.
Cocky male model
On one occasion, a male model strolled on the Metro-North with a cocky attitude. All the booze in his stomach made all the ego go to his head. The punk had the audacity to board the train without a ticket and then went on to insult the train conductor, bragging about how he supposedly made millions while the train conductor, a lowly public servant, only made “pennies”.
This douche was picked the wrong day to put on the better-than-thee act because the train conductor ended up exacting revenge in a very funny way. As soon as the male model slumped into a drunken slumber, the conductor quietly approached him and snatched one of the fancy brogues he had kicked off. Out the window went the shoe. The dolt probably never figured out what happened to his shoe.
Throwing hands on the metro
Spunky things come in small packages. Remember how we were talking about seatmate camaraderie? Not all seat neighbors are friendly. The Metro-North is kind of like church where you’re used to sitting in the same seats but you don’t really have to sit in any particular spot. In church, people usually try to suck it up and play nice if someone uses their seat. Not so in the metro.
A middle-aged businessman and attorney were used to sitting in each other’s vicinity. One day the petite attorney propped an injured foot on the businessman’s seat. Even though there were other seats to sit in and her foot was in a cast and everything, the businessman insisted on having his seat back.
The lawyer, irritated that her seatmate was being such an insensitive prick, decided she’d give him a piece of her mind – or should we say a piece of her fist? By this time they were in a really heated argument. She jumped up and socked the businessman in the nose. The guy’s face started gushing blood and his glasses were even broken. The both ended up pressing charges against each other.
Other assorted metro stories
As on the subway, people often puke on the metro. They even puke often enough for the staff and passengers to place bets on who’ll spew their guts first. Another embarrassing spectacle you may see on the metro is lovers fully going at it. Imagine how awkward it must be for the staff to have to ask people to put their clothes back on.
Don’t put it past passengers to even bring all manner of animals on board. One time a guy even boarded with a baby kangaroo. Riding public transit may not be the cleanest or most comfortable of situations but it sure can be interesting.